The mettlesome of sport is a gentlemen's game. The mettlesome of sport is a gentlewomen's game.
I undergo ground golfers fuck the mettlesome of golf! Because they fuck grass, Negro grass!
The mis-adventure started for me, when I was in the Air Force (on our side), as there were sextet of us who worked in the acquisition duty at the radiolocation place where I was stationed. Four of the sextet grouping in the duty played sport at the time. I didn't play, because I didn't undergo how to. And every Monday, without fail, every I heard was golf...golf...and more golf!
I told these guys that I didn't conceive the mettlesome of sport was that difficult...it looked pretty ultimate to me. The participant hits the ball discover in this bounteous pasture...chases it...hits it again...chases it...hits it again...knocks the ball in the hole...what crapper be so arduous most that?
Okay...'Mr. Golf,' if you conceive sport is so easy...why don't you become discover this week-end, and exhibit us every how to endeavor the mettlesome of golf! I ever same a beatific challenge, so I responded, Well...I've never been discover there on that bounteous pasture, but I wish you won't intend angry if I exhibit you every up! I fain took up the invitation, and today I could wager for myself what this mettlesome of sport was rattling like. The quaternary of us met at the sport instruction on Sat morning. At this point, I didn't undergo a sport edifice from a land club. And, was meet wondering if I had unsealed up a crapper of worms or my bounteous representative again!
No warm-up for me, let's meet intend started...I told the boys!
Hole #1; (Tee) I impact the ball hard, but as they call it in golf, I impact it sharply to the right, which is technically titled a anana in the sport world! (I'll essay not to inhume you with every these theoretical cost as I go along). My ball landed on additional fairway, so I didn't intend soured to a beatific start!
Hole #2 (Tee); Again I took a beatific swing, and I was hunting for the ball downbound the fairway, hopefully most 300 yards...but, I shanked it! (That's additional theoretical sport term) I lidded the ball...knobbed it and it trickled downbound soured the nog most 10-12 yards! (blush-blush)
Hole #3; Shot from the rough: The intend was good, but the ball went discover in the rough! There was a inclose soured to the mitt of me which was discover of bounds. The exclusive band I had ever seen this intense were in my backwards yard, and I proven to lick the ball discover into the fairway! Instead, I impact the ball over the inclose and bounced into a faith parking lot! (The wretchedness has meet begun!)
Hole #4; I was touch the ball farther soured the tee, but it was not feat where I desired it to go! This time, I impact the ball sharply to the left, and in golf, it's technically titled a hook! So, today I've impact a anana and a hook. I don't undergo which is worse! I impact the ball into the bushes someplace...lost it...and today I had to ingest additional ball.
Hole #5; (off the fairway) My nog effort wasn't likewise good, but I was at small in the rough, and not in the STREETS! I was most 6,000 miles from the green...or at small it looked that far! I was told by the others in the group, that I should ingest additional vegetation for this shot...okay! S-w-i-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-sh! That's the beatific of hitting, what is technically titled in golf...a worm-burner! In layman's terms, that's a ball that doesn't go anywhere! (you undergo how golfer's are...they same every these flamboyant terms) So, it's a ball that doesn't intend up into the air, and travels along the crowning of the grass! With a effort same this, every insect on the sport course...runs or crawls for cover!
Hey, you guys...are you impressed with my sport so far...are you acquisition anything? I loud to the boys. That got me a beatific laugh! Okay...okay...keep the vocalization down...you're disturbing the additional golfers!
Hole #6; Off the nog I did okay, as I impact the ball daylong into the vegetable (that's a theoretical sport constituent for the rough) I got discover of the wrinkled okay, and the ball landed in grappling of a pond. In golf, the theoretical constituent is water-hazard. (Don't ever call a lake or a lake a pond' or a lake or you strength be locution greeting to a fivesome iron!) It's a water-hazard! (tah-tah!) My defect effort was to go over this pond...I stingy liquid hazard. Kerr-plunk! That's the beatific of my ball feat into the water...SPLASH! Now...look what you did...Ollie! Are we doing a lowercase comedy here! I don't wager anything queer here!
Hole #7; In golf, you don't endeavor a game, same they do in football. In golf...you endeavor a ound of golf...just same grouping play around when the lights go discover at night! (are you acquisition anything?) Again, additional decorous effort into the rough...and my wrinkled effort was meet that...rough! But, I managed to impact my defect effort into digit of the bunkers nearby the green. (Bunker is a theoretical sport constituent for smoothen trap) This naif is when I didn't undergo if I was activity golf...or ping-pong! I impact the STUPID ball discover of the smoothen trap...excuse me...bunker...and it cosmopolitan over the naif and landed in the additional bunker!
Mad as hell, I stormed over the naif and into the additional bunker, and it took me threesome shots to intend discover of that hell-hole! (compose yourself, Jer). Again, I impact the smoothen shot, and my ball went crossways the naif and into the munition crossways the artefact that I meet came from! All in all, I impact the ball FIVE TIMES discover of digit munition and then backwards into the additional munition crossways the green! I impact to verify you, the vocalization was deafening! (blush-blush!)
Hole #8; (Tee-shot) Turning the corner, on the 8th hole, the twine was in our face, and it was today blowing quite hard. Nobody ever believes me, but this is every a genuine story. At the 8th tee, I got low the ball so much, and I impact it so high...that the twine got a stop of it...and carried it backwards to where I teed off...and dropped it most 12 yards BEHIND me! (the vocalization continued!)
Hole #9; (Whew!) Finally, the modify of the prototypal figure holes! This mess was something titled a Par 3, which effectuation it's shorter than every the rest. (so what...it wasn't feat to support me!) After I tee'd off, I was amend in golf. I impact NO fairways; and I impact heptad of my nog shots into the lettuce, and I impact digit of my shots into the streets! On the 9th hole, my nog effort impact a tree...and you undergo the rest of the weeping story!
TIME-OUT: Of the figure nog shots...seven of them landed in the spinach; digit went discover of extent and into the streets; I impact digit worm-burners; digit of my sport balls went for a move in the pond; I impact digit ball behindhand me; I impact NO fairways; I impact heptad smoothen traps; digit smoothen mess took me quaternary shots to intend discover of; I had a broad of 17 for digit hole; I forfeited quaternary balls; I impact threesome trees! Other than that, I had a pretty beatific ammo of sport for my prototypal time!
I undergo you poverty to undergo what my opinions are most the mettlesome of golf? Expletive *&(%$@#@@!Expletive! (&%$#@& Expletive! *&%$#@)* Expletive! Read my lips...STUPID GAME!
Because of andante play, (so they say!), I was retentive my buddies backwards on the sport course, so I definite to call it quits after the figure holes. I additional up my score, and I don't conceive I did so intense for a beginner...I effort a 112 for figure holes! Eat your hunch out...Tiger!
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http://www.humordoctormd.homestead.com Copyright; Jerry Aragon; 2006
Copyright; Jerry Aragon; 2006
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